THE BROCKET 99 NEWS AND INFORMATION CENTER - HEADLINES - IS THE WEB MASTER NATIVE - MIKE DOWSE FROM FUBAR MOVIE AND MUCH MORE

Brocket99.net would like to extend our sincere condolences to friends, family and all of those affected by the tragic deaths on the Reservation in Red Lake Minnesota on March 21st, 2005. We mourn with you during this very difficult time.

WHO CREATED THE BROCKET 99 WEB SITE, COWBOYS, FANS IN THE PHILIPPINES, SEARCH ENGINES

It's an old story. I defend the web site from misunderstanding. It's not like we get a bunch of hate mail. Actually most people write because of their love of the site. But the occasional negative mail does get through. I feel the need to answer both personally and publicly.

Then you get mail from someone who is very sincere. I actually received a letter that wasn't negative but wanted clarification about my background. "We'll, you have an opportunity to do something fun. (he states) However, if you come off as Non-Native in your website, it will come across as racist. Again, is the website is made by a Native, then so be it. It can still be considered poor taste by many, and funny to others. It is a time of freedom, but freedom resides in integrity, and being open. You don't have to say who you are, but knowing you are Native would change some minds."

I've never hidden who I am. I have a personal web site about my life and uncensored radio show. I am a white skinned guy. I'm part German, Greek, Dutch... a real mutt. I am also part Cherokee or Chickacoan as far as I'm able to gather and I love that fact. I decided to make a page that states my background. But you know, it doesn't matter to me if I am white and poking fun at another group of people. In the end, we are all human. We have the same thoughts and emotions. And you can't tell me that some Native out there isn't making fun of a whitey at this very moment. It happens. More importantly; It makes us laugh!

I hope that the person who wrote will become a part of the Brocket 99 web family. We have always been open to differing and opposing views concerning our favorite parody. If you are a Native and would like to write for Brocket 99, shoot us an email.

Here's another very interesting story. About a year ago we received an email from a guy named Cowboy Smithx. He tried to get us an interview he had done with someone named Persy Klaw but said the interview had been returned to him and was smashed up. He suggested getting in touch with him myself.

Since we get email from a ton of crackpots, I figured that Cowboy and Percy were phonies. Well a few months ago I heard the name again in a conversation with a source of mine in Alberta that was talking about a cool native record label. The name sounded familiar but I had forgotten where I heard it. Then, just about 3 weeks back, Smiths name was mentioned again. At this point I thought I had better look at those old emails again.

I found out that Cowboy Smithx is involved with theatre and an excellent hardcore label called Snag records. Check out the mp3's from bands like Abortion Grenade and E-Kru. I've tried to reach Smithx but haven't received a response yet. The Persey Klaw email is dead. So if you know these "real" people, let them know that we'd love to talk with them again. Thanks!

We know there's at least one and she's not originally from Canada. We did receive her pic and it's in our fan section.

I'm doing a search in google on Tribal war the other day. As I'm looking through the results on the first page, there's Brocket99.net. I'm floored. I get emails from Natives that tell me this site comes up as they look for Native news and Aboriginal music too. I get chastised for the site but thank you's for certain content. I guess we are the Jeckyll and Hyde of the Aboriginal web surfer.

BROCKET 99 BOMB DISPOSAL, YOUR LETTERS COUNT, SCAR LOVES SIDNEY, LENNY TUNES UP...

January 2005 was a great month for letters to the editor! I thought I'd share a few with you.

We knew that Brocket 99 had created some of Canada's greatest legends but we never thought that the Army of Scar would now protect and serve worldwide! A few months ago we sent a Brocket 99 care package to a platoon in Kabul.

"You sent us the Brockett Discs earlier. We have all enjoyed them very much. We have this Australian Sgt with us on exchange and he laughed his head off. I guess they never heard of Brockett down under before. We have put the bumper stickers you sent us, on the backs of our EOD Bomb Disposal Robots. Everyone laughed." - Jay Canadian soldier in Afghanistan

Hey Jay, we were proud to be able to make you guys laugh and have some fun if only for a moment. We all appreciate what you are doing very much!

"First I was kinda offended, but figured I would go in to see what it was about.. I listened to FRESH CORN ON THE COB, and laughed my butt off... oh my... wiping tears from my eyes. But seriously, as for the stereotypes, they will always be there, but there's nothing I can do about that. I took it with a grain of salt, and just hope that one day those stereotypes will go away. I'm sure the Newfoundlanders feel the same, everyone always comments on their dialect, same goes for people living in Fargo or Upper Michigan. I just feel blessed that I am different than most people. Regardless of the stereotypes I'm proud to be native. The cultural aspect of being native is quite beautiful and so in tune with nature and the spirit worlds. Sure they are some that don't follow the ways, but it's their lives. I found some really funny stories on there, some things I didn't like, but you take the good with the bad."

"I just read some of the reactions to Mark Campbells interview. You know I find it interesting that not actualy knowing the real radio cast, people "assume" that they are White. Secondly the people crying wolf are probably the same hypocrites that use the tired and equally destructive racial slur of "RED NECK" to describe the presumed persons involved. It should be noted that while this radio program has caused the knotting of shorts of so many of our politically correct, and "educated" betters, the insulting comedy here is no different than that suffered by those in the American South, or closer to home, that suffered by Mennonites, Huderites, etc. The true humor of Brocket 99 lies not so much in the crude content, but in the selective tolerance of the self-righteous, who with glossy eye, and frothing zeal, will leave no stone unturned to seek out and crucify the heretics of political incorrectness, while turning a blind eye to the more glaring offences to the principles they claim to champion."

Better to be at the one gas station in Brocket than in the hamburglaring States!

"Argh. I went through brocket but my damn camera broke on my trip... all I can tell you is just what ernie scar said to you.. there is not much there.. There is a gas station that EVERYONE seemed to stop off at to get gas.. other than that... wow.. very tiny! it was quite amazing the trip to waterton which is kind of in the center of the whole brocket setting... Beautiful mountains.. I recommend going there if you like camping. we crossed the border to the states, but they took our hamburgers that were in our cooler.. that sucked ass. we didn't eat that night.."Stephen

And finally, the man whom I consider to be the original Brocketologist speaks on Ernie Scar in an IM convo

Mog : Well he's probably fed up with the whole thing and rightously so - its out of his control now and he now has to live forever with the stigma that the small-minds will label his creation with... Small wonder that he wants his annonymity - though given some time I'm sure anyone could figure it out. He said himself his identity is an open-secret to those in the know anyways... And in a way, I'm probably partially to blame for it being as big as its become - since my copy was one of the first (if not the first) complete recording available in MP3 format across the net...
'Michael Anthony': he knows that you are one of the top Brockotologists alive today
Mog : Heheh well I never intended to be one but I guess thats what I became ....I was always more interested in the myth behind Brocket rather than the actual recording itself - historically I find it one of the more interesting urban legend topics...
'Michael Anthony': Ernie says about your comments: True ... sadly, so very true. I'll fax The Mog a beer.

You make the difference. You are the pulse and lifeblood of this site and we thank you! Got a comment? Good or bad Send it to us!

For nearly 20 years Ernie Scar has been making you laugh. But what you may ask, keeps Ernie in stitches? One of the things that tickles ol' Scar, is a song that he turned me on to. The more I dug, the more I found out. Now I'm really into a man who may have taken on Lenny Red Nuts in a kick boxing match.

I recently heard that a new song was making its way around Brocket 99 circles. It's called the Pukatawagan song. Contrary to rumour, the song is not a parody and was not created by the typical white guy trying to rip on Natives. It is instead the creation of a musical humourist named Sidney Castell.

Sid was a Cree who's music is highlighted on the sunshine records release Live at Beaver Lodge You can find out more by reading his bio in pdf format here. Sadly, Sidney died in March of 2003. Here's to you Mr. Castel. And here's to a little place that was recognized due to yuor music. Pukatawagan, Manitoba.

I spoke with my close personal friend, Charles Kang the other day. Kang, manager of singing sensation Lenny Red Nuts, says that Len is just about ready to begin considering maybe going back into the studio... possibly. We'll keep you up to date on this hot breaking story, kinda... we think.

THE VERY FATE OF BROCKET 99 RESTS IN..., ERNIE'S SCARS, TOUCHING THE WHITE PAPERS, MORE

What is the fate of Brocket 99 as it enters its second generation of life? I've been thinking about that question for a very long time. I've always wanted this site to be fair minded and show both sides of the story. I want Natives, particularly from the Southern Alberta area to get involved and make their voice heard. It's assumed that everyone knows what they think. But the Blackfoot, just like any other race of people, are not a collective. We are all individuals with different thoughts and feelings. So there is no way to know what every Blackfoot individual feels when they listen to or hear about Brocket 99. Is there laughter, fear, outrage, disgust or is the person non plust?

One thing that does stand out though, is that Brocket Alberta is a real place, with real people. And as the parody grows, so does the perception of a small community in Southern Alberta, Canada. And that means that more and more, people associate this real place with a fictional story from 1986 that was never meant to circulate beyond its intended audience of a few friends.

I began to wonder how I would feel if I were from Brocket. What if when I told people where I was from, they immediately said or thought; Oh yeah, the place with the drunk indian station... Do you know Ernie Scar? Up and atem...? What if they were to judge me like I was a worthless life that just hangs out on the streets all day on alcohol and drugs? Well, some people will take it all in stride and others will really react negatively. But the point to me is that we're not talking about millions of people, or the entire Aboriginal Nation of America. We're talking about a small community and that does make a difference to me.

Look at it this way; Let's say your name is Bin Laden or Bush. You meet people and when they find out your name, they say oh yeah, you're that terrorist! You say: No that's so and so, not me. They reply ; Yeah, I know you. You killed all of those innocent people. You can't change their perception of the name. That will happen with any scenerio. But later on there may be a man named Bin Laden or Bush who becomes an international star or hero. At that point, the perception begins to change from what it once was.

Brocket99.Net began changing the feel of the parody in 2003. With the exception of our original character, Lenard Moccasin, we have made every fictional player from the original Brocket 99 series into a cartoon. Lenard will also become animated in 2005. We have thought about phasing Lenard out altogether but have not made that decision as yet. The character of Lenard was added to allow the original parody to live on. But Brocket 99, as the creator of this great comedy has mentioned many times, has taken on a life of its own. It will continue with or without Lenard or this web site.

In 2005 Brocket 99 will become its own world. Future parody's will not mention real names or places, except those you already know. We will create new characters and places in order to make Brocket 99 more generic. This lets a larger audience in on the joke while getting away from the actual small Southern Alberta town. And don't worry, the radio station will still exist in Brocket. But Brocket will now be a little fictional reservation town somewhere in North America. You won't really recognize the surrounding towns but, you might.. That's they way we want it.

As far as the real Ernie Scar is concerned, he is quite positive about the idea of moving on. That is a huge nod to go ahead and take this parody into its next generation. We will boldly go where no reservation parody has gone before.

But to be clear, we know that there is no way to replace Brocket 99. And we will never do that. It is, and always will be, the greatest radio parody of all time.

As for the fate of Brocket 99? You've read what we're going to do. But realistically, Brocket 99 always rests in the hands of the fans.

This fuckin' interrogation is over. From now on we will concentrate on Ernie's Scars. It's featured on the same page as the interrogation.

Since Ernie has essentially finished speaking to your questions about Brocket 99, we've decided to add some diolouge of our conversations from time to time.

I talk to Ernie a few times a week and mostly we just goof off and talk shop. But every once in awhile, we take a subject much further than we had intended and get some great thoughts going about Brocket 99 and free speech issues. So tune in and read up.

Statement of the Government Of Canada On Indian Policy, 1969

Presented to the First Session of the Twenty-Eighth Parliament by the Honorable Jean Chr�tien, Minister of Indian Affairs and Northern Development

The Government believes that its policies must lead to the full, free and non-discriminatory participation of the Indian people in Canadian society. Such a goal requires a break with the past. It requires that the Indian people's roles of dependence be replaced by a role of equal status, opportunity and responsibility, a role they can share with all other Canadians.

1st prize: Lenny's lucky fightin' knife! - Delane from Edmonton, Alberta

There is something much more important than Brocket 99 in the world right now. Please help with tsunami relief if you possibly can.

LOTS O' HOLIDAY NEWS... MIKE DOWSE SAYS HE WAS LOOKING TO USE BROCKET 99 IN NEW FILM + MORE FUBAR/BROCKET 99 INFO, CANADIAN POP CULTURE PAGE, END OF INTERROGATION, BEGIN ERNIE'S SCARS, BLACKFOOT NATIVE THREATENS SUIT, YES SUZY THERE IS A LENNY REDNUTS, WELL KNOWN CANADIAN ROCK BANDS AND PERSONALITIES SOUGHT FOR NEW BROCKET 99 PARODIES...

Hey Brocketologists. After allowing fans of Brocket 99 to ask the actual Ernie Scar questions about our favorite parody, ole Mr. Catface has decided to hang up his quill at the end of 2004. People just didn't take it too seriously and I think the one question that most people wanted the answer to, couldn't be given. That is, who is Ernie Scar? What is his name? There is a new question in the interrogation section for you to glare at by the way.

Ernie and I have decided to just talk, and whenever something really noteworthy comes up, I'll jot it down in the Interrogate Ernie Scar section. It's a new chapter called Ernie's Scars! In it, you'll find out little tid bits like this;

Michael Anthony quotes: And we don't make you check your knives at the door, even if they are 21 inches long.

Ernie Scar: 22 inches long! That, by the way, was from another news report back in the day, where the Lethbridge cops shot some guy at the Bridge Inn who was threatening them with a 22-inch blade. Like the court report shit, I'm not making any of this up. It's (Brocket 99) the world's first Reality Show.

Meanwhile, if you have any last burning questions aside from asking for beer money Interrogate Ernie Scar here. Afterwards look for more from Ernie but don't ask him anymore stupid questions. This fuckin' interview is over.

We received another nice email from Writer / Director Mike Dowse. I have been getting some emails from people asking exactly where Brocket 99 shows up in the film. Since I didn't own a copy and noticed that there are two versions, I wrote Mike and asked if he could tell me whether both films have the Brocket 99 tape playing in the background. Mike assured me that B99 is indeed in both versions of FUBAR!

Well, I finally broke down and bought the movie that has become as much a part of Canadian pop culture as Trailer park boys or our own Brocket 99. I was blown away when I saw that the audio of Brocket 99 shows up at exactly 4:20 into the movie. Now that just seems like too much of a coincidence! Or could it be a message via the great spirit from that buffalo range in the sky? For those whitey's too drunk out of their skull to see 4:20 clearly on the display, look for the scene in the kitchen when the boys are fixin' up some breakfast.

FYI; Here are a few other indirect Brocket 99/Native references in Fubar. Dean says Fuckin Boo Hoo within the first two minutes of the film. AC/DC is all over this movie. Are Terry and Dean drinking Ernie's favorite nectar, Lethbridge Pilsner? Iron Maiden's Run to the hills is featured in the middle of the film. And on the way to Sasquatch creek, Terry and Dean are standing below a mural of Head smashed in. Sweet!

Mike also mentioned that he was going to add more audio of Brocket 99 to his latest movie but did not have a copy available. We have remedied that problem!

The Brockett clip should be on all version of FUBAR. It is mixed in the background ambience so it might be low volume for some people, but it is in there. I just about mixed more brockett into my latest film, but ran out of time and didn't have a copy of brocket handy. Oh well. Good luck with the new brocket, can't wait to hear it. All the best - Mike

We consider Brocket 99 the mother of modern Canadian pop culture but it's cool to pay homage to the other things too. So, our FUBAR page has become the Canadian pop culture page. Giv'er a look.

It makes me wonder whether people just wind up in the ask Lenard section. I think we try to make it obvious that we aren't like other little Brocket 99 pages out there. We're not trying to put down a proud nation of people. We stand up for the rights and beauty of the aboriginal people. But still we get angry emails like this;

Im from brocket and i think you pricks need to get a fucken life. you dont know what you are talking about, im doing some research and im going to find you and when we get you we the peigan nation are going to sue you so hard you'll be living on prison food for the rest of your life. so watch what you say about blackfoot people asshole!.

Now if this man had wanted a response, he might have added his email address to his commentary. Like many negative letters we receive, he left himself without a name. Never fear, proud Blackfoot. I am here for all to see. I am proud to give people an opportunity to laugh and enjoy Brocket 99. Sue me? For what? Send me to prison? Dream on. In fact, you may be amazed to find out that many in your community find Brocket 99 hilarious. Maybe you should work on them first. I think there are only about 3 like you in your town. And we hear at .net are working to make you see our way of thinking... and drinking!

The following letter was submitted by popular manager of Lenny Red-Nuts , Charles Kang!

YES, SUZY, THERE IS A LENNY RED-NUTS


We take pleasure in answering thus prominently the communication
below, expressing at the same time our great gratification that its
faithful author is numbered among the friends of Brocket99.net:
	
I am 16 years old. Some of my slutty friends say there is no Lenny
Red-Nuts. Dad says, "If you see it on Brocket99.net, it's so." Please
tell me the truth, is there a Lenny Red-Nuts?
Suzy Shot Both Sides
	
Suzy, your slutty friends are wrong. They have been affected by the
skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except what they
see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by
their demented minds. All minds, Suzy, whether they be men's or
children's, are a little warped. In this great reserve of ours, man is
a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless
world outside of Brocket about him, as measured by the intelligence
capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.	

Yes, Suzy, there is a Lenny Red-Nuts.	

He exists as certainly as Branvin and Lysol and Treaty Checks exist,
and you know that they abound and give to your life its best hotdogs,
chips, and pop. Alas! How sober would be Alberta if there were no
Lenny Red-Nuts! It would be as sober as if there were no Suzies,
Claytons, or Ernies. There would be no pow-wows then, no firewater, no
sex to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment,
except in sense and sight. The external light with which Rock n' Roll
fills the world would be extinguished.


Not believe in Lenny Red-Nuts! You might as well not believe in Ernie
Scar. You might get your dad to hire men to watch in all the liquor
stores on Christmas eve to catch Lenny, but even if you did not see
Lenny Red-Nuts staggering down the street, what would that prove?
Nobody sees Lenny Red-Nuts sober, but that is no sign that there is no
Lenny Red-Nuts. The most real things in the world are those that
neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see Clayton dancing
behind the Esso? Of course not, but that's no proof that they weren't
there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen
and unseeable in Alberta or even Canada.
	

You tear apart the bottle of Branvin and see what makes the swishy
noise inside, but there is a teepee covering the unseen world, which
not the drunkest buck, nor even the united intoxicating effect of all
the drunkest bucks that ever lived could tear apart. Only firewater,
sex, drugs, stinkweed can push aside that curtain and view and picture
the supernatural Rock n' Roll beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Suzy, in all
this world there is nothing else real and abiding.
	
No Lenny Red-Nuts? Thank the Great Spirit he lives and lives forever.
A thousand years from now, Suzy, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now,
he will continue to make glad the heart of many squaws.
	
Rock n' Roll Damnation and a have a great Rodeo Days!!!!

Also, the Lenny Red-Nuts contest is drawing to a close. The winners will be announced before Christmas. See Lenny's section to see what you can win just by picking up a copy of Tough buck from Brocket.

WELL KNOWN CANADIAN ROCK BANDS AND PERSONALITIES SOUGHT FOR NEW BROCKET 99 PARODIES

We believe that Brocket 99 is so well loved or scorned by Canadians that rock bands & celebs might like to get in on the controversy.

This is a public call for any and all Canadian bands and celebrities to be part of the new Brocket 99 parody to be released whenever we believe we've got something good enough to put out there. After all, there is only one real Brocket 99. So any continuation has to be worthy of the title.

Check out all the stuff you can give to the sqaws and bucks in your teepee. Buttons only $1.99 and gear galore!

Canadian customs requires middle name or initial on all mail going to Canada!

The Canadian Customs Agency has announced that it is requiring full names including middle names or initials of sender and recipient be added to all outgoing mail to Canada for security reasons. Anne McLellan, Deputy Prime Minister and Minister of Public Safety and Emergency Preparedness.announced on 11/23/2004 that "the creation of the Canada Border Services Agency within the new portfolio of Public Safety and Emergency Preparedness, the Government of Canada is adopting an integrated approach to border management to facilitate the flow of people and goods while enhancing the safety and security of Canadians," More complete information here

In order for you to receive your Brocket 99 merchandise in a timely fashion, you must comply to these new rules. We will not be held responsible for late packages that have not been mailed or must wait until we can contact you.

To comply simply add your full name, including middle initial or middle name to your order. Thanks.

The Kingdom of Norway is a Nordic Country west of Sweden on the Scandinavian Peninsula. Now if that's not exciting enough, they're now importing copies of Brocket 99 to one of the Countries well know Universities. Has tribal fever hit the whities best known for Ricola cough drops, cakes and wooden shoes? We're not sure. But we do know that someone at this well known Norwegian University got a copy of our two CD set. We'll keep you updated. Meanwhile look for Nordic whities who sound like they're yodeling' brudder or cuzin?

We're right on top of the early Holiday rush here in virtual Brocket! The lights are up and we're already drinkin' cuz there's no time like da present to get the presents! We've got stuff for all the indians and sqaws in your tribe. Low price buttons and magnets that start at only $1.99.

That's right! Our new wallpaper section let's you select from some great free Brocket 99 wall paper. Now how can you argue with that?

Looks like the long awaited Dick Twang album will be with us soon. It's been 10 years since 100% Dick Twang was released. Brocket99.net will have the first exclusive interview with Dick himself. Seems as though Horace (20 cigarettes) Apsassan and Elvis Manywounds will be stopping by to say hello too!

We're always glad to hear from fans of the greatest parody ever but when we get a letter like this it just makes it worth everything we do.

A Brocket 99 fan who is part of the armed forces in Kabul, wrote to ask for a copy of the 2 cd set. Here's part of what he had to say;

I am here with 11 Field Squadron (Fd Sqn), which is part of 1 Combat Engineer Regiment (1 CER) out of Edmonton. I am actaully posted down the road in the town of Wainwright. But....I am originally out of Pelican Narrows, up northern Sask way. I am on the EOD team here. We get to blow shit up basically.

He went on to say how much he and his friend love Brocket 99! He sent photos and we are more thank happy to send these brave soldiers a special Brocket 99 package. Be safe guys and thanks for everything you're doing! See the pics of these guys in Kabul They LOVE Brocket 99!!!

Make sure you check out the specials throughout the month. The CD section will have a special all through the month. They may or may not change so get the low prices while you can. Remember the holidaze are just around the corner.

We're attempting to make the site even better and easier to navigate. The process will take a month or two. Please be patient. We welcome your ideas!

There is more about the origin of Brocket 99 in the Brocketology - History section. Check it out.

I haven't been able to do everything I wanted on the site lately because I've had some really bad things happening in my life. I'm doing what I can with the time I do have to keep my mind off of my life.

Two days after arriving to my current location to be closer to my parents, my father had heart failure. For the last few weeks he's been in 3 hospitals, had heart failure twice, surgery and so many tests. I'm in a rural area so it takes a good 90 minutes to get to each hospital. I go there every morning and don't get home until late that night.

If that's not enough, my best friend of almost 20 years died last week and I didn't find out until the night after his funeral.

I wanted you guys to know this because I haven't been able to get a few orders out on time. I apologize.

BROCKET 99 CELEBRATES 18TH BIRTHDAY! NTL LIBRARY OF CANADA, BROCKET 99 PART 3 & MORE

We're gettin' really pissed here at Brocket99.Net all month long because our best friend and favourite parody turns 18 in September. To celebrate we're offering the complete Brocket 99 2 cd set for $9.99 all month long! That's just $4.49 per CD! Not only that but we're throwing in the never before released Centre Village Mall commercial and a clip from the upcoming Brocket 99 part III CD too! Holy shit! We really are pissed! Musta been dat wood alcohol.Happy Birthday Ernie!

What would Brocket 99 sound like in the 21st century? You'll find out as we unveil Brocket 99 Part III. We're crankin up the old 65 Chevy so that we have it in time for Christmas delivery. And BIG NEWS! One of the original voices from Brocket 99 has agreed to appear in the new production!

With the changes in culture over the past 18 years, how has Brocket 99 adapted? Or has it? Did Harley Squirrelnuts achieve his dream of creating drunkards and bums out of every Native on the reserve? Where did Ernie Scar go after the original Brocket 99 radio station burned down in 1990? What format does the station have now. Is it the same Brocket 99 we came to know and love... or hate? The answers are coming. Stay tuned!

I'm amazed! And the real Ernie Scar has at last said that Brocket 99 is his legacy. Why? We were recently contacted by the National Library of Canada. They want to get our Brocket 99 master to "add to our collection where it will be catalogued and preserved." Jesus! It seems official. Brocket 99 seems destined to be a classic! We at Brocket 99 are so excited about this news! But every true B99 fan already knew that the tape was a classic. And we knew it years ago!

Another film about our favourite parody is in development by Gallant productions. It's called Brocket 99: Ernie Scar Comes Clean. The movie asks important questions. "Does Brocket 99 take satire too far?" The film also quotes people such as anthropology professor Martin Whittles from the University of Lethbridge who says "I've never seen this kind of popular appeal this thing has. It's like there's a subculture of racism." Check out the trailer here. There are also front and back photos of the one sheets for the movie

Way back when, a blind mouse said that "nobody own Brocket 99". Just for the record, someone does indeed own Brocket 99. Guess who? I'm not tellin. See how they run. See how they run.

You know there's a lot of stuff going on right now in the world of Brocket 99. We don't tell you everything because sometimes we're asked not to. And on occasion we hold back until we feel the moment is right.

But I do like to let you in on what I consider to be very important news, especially if it can shine a positive light on Brocket 99. We have spies all over the world that let us in on things that you should know about.

For example; We hear that within the next few months we will receive a photo of a Chinese citizen wearing our Brocket 99 tee shirt in front of Chairman Mao's Mausoleum in Tian'anmen Square. We don't understand the connection, but the fact that Brocket 99 is now in China is huge! Of course you'll see it here when we get the pic.

Here's another tidbit that is fantastic. We understand that there is "actual documented proof" that claims for the most part, Natives love Brocket 99. It's the stupid white PC liberals that despise it and believe that it is racist. Now here's the big question; Can something be considered racist if the race that is being parodied, embrace that parody? Riddle me that.

How do I win dat tough buck's cowboy hat and knife? All you have to do is buy the Lenny Red-Nuts CD and you're entered to win. The hat and knife will be sent to the lucky winners and signed by Lenny himself! (Offer also valid on the Brocket 99 party pack)

Every month I get more email about "who" created Brocket 99 and who was involved. That part of the secret is over for me but people still want to convince me. The probably fake "Percy Klaw" still comes up in conversation as does the Royal Canadian Mounted Police officer that is this guy's cousin or that chicks brother.

But I thought one email from last month was interesting enough to mention. Seems that a band called ?Rock?? Horse had a member who was involved in creating some of the sound effects for the parody. We're in the process of finding out more and we'll get back to you when and if something pans out.

PIIKANI NATION CELEBRATION, A NEW BROCKET 99 PARODY PLANNED, LENNY REDNUTS CONTEST...

There was fun to be had on the Brocket Reservation this past weekend. The pow wow included a rodeo, hand game tournament and dancing competitions. We at Brocket99.net hope it was a huge success and wish everyone from Brocket the very best! You can see the full sized poster by clicking the thumbnail.

You've been asking about it for years. Finally we can say; Yes Whitey, there will be a Brocket III! Brocket 99 version 3, that's three... is in the early stages of development and if all goes well, might be released as soon as Christmas. And yes, there is a possibility that at least one original member will be involved. I wonder who dat is?

No further details about Brocket 99 part three are being released at the moment but we do understand that there is also a Brocket 99 part 4 in the works. These Brocket 99 productions will be available only at Brocket99.net.

For the longest time we've heard that there was a Brocket 99 Christmas parody floating around. Ernie Scar knows nothing of it and we've never been able to lay our greedy little mini-fingers on a copy. So again we're asking you, the Brocket 99 fanatical faithful if you have any information for us? We're in need of all info on Brocket 99 Christmas, the full version of radio clit, the closeline, Brocket 99.9 the Buck (C.L. & Buck are also new additions to our Party Pack) or any other Brocket type parody song that you might own, heard about or maybe even written yourself. EMAIL US THE CRITICAL INFO HERE If the info is good enough, we'll set you up with a Party Pack Plus Package!

We've also been asked to list what's on Not So Brocket Volume 1 Not only do you get a complete song list but a clip of a few songs will load on that page for you too! We looked for the artists responsible for these songs. Seems like we almost got one guy to come forward but then he drifted away like Clayton Magnet's ghost in a firey grocerycart! Come forward, enter your song(s) for Not so Brocket II and keep your identity hidden from the humourless hunters. We reserve the right to reject any submission for any reason. We don't guarantee that your song will make it on to the compilation.Write us.

It's the biggest thing to hit Brocket since Perlene Gunn won the coca cola classic contest. Lenny Red-Nuts is givin' away his cowboy hat and stabbin knife. More outrageous details coming soon! Also we have a new interview with Lenny Red-Nuts and we've added it to the Tough Buck from Brocket CD

YOUR OWN OFFICIAL INDIAN NAME ON A SPECIALLY NUMBERED BROCKET 99 TRIBAL CERTIFICATE

We just received word that Terry and Deaner can write. Guess they're not too happy that Harold and Kumar are getting the attention these days. Anyway, you heard right! FUBAR the book is out soon. Check it. www.fubar-themovie.com/book And for those of you still looking for the movie, click here and that awesome soundtrack is here You do remember that writer and director of FUBAR, Mike Dowse dropped Brocket99.Net a hello a few months back, don't you?

Brocket99.Net is bustin' with news that we just can't talk about at the moment. Please check back soon because this stuff is gonna blow the roof off the joint!

New Brocket 99 Fan Page. Check out hot pics and twisted minds that live for our favorite radio parody!

BROCKET 99 DOT NET DOWNLOAD, PORN STAR WEARS BROCKET 99 GEAR, NEW DICK TWANG CD...

Celebrate with a new free exclusive Brocket99.net download. Unlike the others that have stolen our version and cut it to shreds to hide their thievery, we're giving you this complete version of the greatest radio parody of all time uncut and complete. You'll find ours doesn't have the missing content that .ca has. Did you see their post? "They some how think that Brocket99.ca has stolen their copy of Brcoket 99, when in fact NO BODY OWN BROCKET 99!! Brocket 99 was intended to be free.....keep it that way!!!!" Is the mouse English or French? Love the spelling. Anyway, the original broadcast from 1986 is up now. The rest will be there soon. Update: Somebody do own Brocket 99. Guess who?

By the way, there is more about this Tribal War below but I'm probably not going to talk about it too much from now on unless we're attacked. You know the facts, you can make up your own mind. This site is about enjoying Brocket 99. As for this myth that "Brocket 99 was intended to be free." It was intended to be whatever Ernie Scar intended it to be. No more, no less. I don't notice Ernie working with any other web sites so he must agree with what we're doing with his legacy. And to be very clear; We don't care if you get your Brocket 99 for free. Get it here or there. But you should know the whole story behind those downloads and where they came from. Most of the people we've heard from agree with us.

The world's oldest active porn star goes Brocket! Dave Cummings who has shagged hundreds of teenage girls since entering the adult film industry was photographed wearing a Brocket 99 tee shirt. Click here for the details.

PARODY NOT PREJUDICE

Sometimes I read something negative about Brocket 99 and wonder whether I should stop what I'm doing. But then reason takes over and reminds me about individual perspective. I am well aware how some people in Brocket, Lethbridge, Alberta and Canada itself feel about Brocket 99. As much as Brocket has been and will be a tool for racism and hatred, it is equally a vehicle for the deepest laughs some of us have ever had. I receive tons of fan mail about Brocket 99. The mail is usually fantastic and positive. Some mail is angry. You'll see examples of both types below. Sadly many of the guestbook entries fall into the negative and racist categories. I'm a HUGE free speech guy but there are some entries that I delete because their words have nothing to do with this classic recording. And I feel like this web site tries to bridge the gap of misunderstanding. We allow anyone, especially Natives to express their views. But saying that Natives, Whites, Albertans or what have you are worthless... is not a view. It is a statement of hatred and ignorance.

I was never aware that Brocket 99 was even viewed as racist until ten years after hearing it for the first time. Does that make me an idiot or an innocent? I don't consider myself innocent so I must be an idiot. But again and again I hear the same thing from Brocket fans all over the world. We're a tribe of idiots that have sewn a cult parody in to the very fabric of our being. We go out and buy Native items. We speak "Brocket" We're all connected by laughter.

Some of us appreciate the plight of the Native more through our understanding of Ernie Scar and his cool compadres. I don't care whether you believe that. I know it's true. Some Natives can laugh at themselves because of Brocket 99. It makes their life on the rez a little better because they can smile and relate on some level. Isn't that true for all of us when it comes to comedy? Don't we defend what makes us laugh?

The Dick Twang band will head back into the studio in August to begin recording their new album. Horace '20 Cigarettes' Apsassan talked exclusively with brocket99.net and told us "We talked about choosing a studio, he (Dick) has several in mind, and I will be going to Seattle on Aug 16 and we will be recording "You Don't Know Dick" during those last 2 weeks of August."

It's the second release from the band that gave you Lysol rap, old blue car and other controversial parody songs. That CD was released 10 years ago. We can't wait to see what Elvis Manywounds does on this release. Has he changed? His fans await the return. I assume a world tour will follow.

Tom & Gretchen say: "WE LOVE YOU GUYS!!! As Professional Artists & Agents we appreciate "Great Material" when we Hear or See it. We Listened To Brockett 99 all the way from Butte Montana to Newport Beach CA, then Back Home to Las Vegas. We are going to order Your full CD sets and have our friends and associates laugh their Asses off like we do everytime we listen to You! and by the way... we also specialize in Native American Art & Artifacts and therein much understanding the plight of the Native Americans... You are bringing humor and comedy to where it is most needed..laughter! NO ONE SHOULD BE OFFENDED. Keep going, we can't get enough!" Tom & Gretchen

The only reason Alberta trash listens to this is because it disrespects natives. If you told Albertans that natives were merely a vehicle for the comedic piece, Albertans wouldn't understand what the hell you're talking about.

I responded: You know it sounds like to me that you are disrespecting Albertans. You are just as bad as the people you are accusing.

With the emails we have received from the owner of Brocket99.ca, we see that they have no intention of working with us to resolve the conflict. Apparently they will update their site after the owner talks with movie maker, Nilesh Patel this weekend.

I have worked long and hard to give the fans of Brocket 99 exactly what they wanted. It's too bad that certain people need to steal that work. It's even worse when the plead ignorance and try to turn the tables. I am not sure what Brocket99.net will do next. You can be assured that if provoked we will strike back hard. If the owner of .ca would have just worked with us, I'm sure that nothing about the current situation would have had to change. But he is content to stay blind to the situation and therefore we must be the ones to tell it like it is. Please check their site and see how they plead their case. I want you to see every side of this situation. By the way, thanks for the dozens of supportive emails I've received about this matter. You're the best fans out there!

MORE TO THE FIRE LYNOL/TOM STORY THAN JUST A SPRAYPAINTED BUILDING? OTHER NEWS...

We wrote two long letters to brocket99.ca. We haven't heard back about the second letter yet and they haven't updated their site. We hope everything is alright on their end. We did hear from some .ca fans who are very dedicated to defending the site owner. We have taken all you've said into consideration and we appreciate your comments. We will not however, be meeting up with you and settling this issue "Lethbridge Style". That might be a little too dedicated and we urge less caffeine and more deep breathing for you.

I have decided to take down all of the previous info on this site including the news in this section until I have a reply from them. I want Brocket 99 to be something fun, not a stand off. That is not to say that I won't continue with my present plan of action if need be but I'd rather have peace. I think we need as much as we can get in this world. I do want everyone who knows about the situation to understand that I did over react. I apologize for that. Now that everyone's story is straight, I hope we can all get along in virtual Brocket. We'll see.

Oddly enough, we were contated about a story that started a "fire" on .ca a few months back. Brocket99.net was asked to set the record straight. Since I don't have both sides of this issue, the record cannot be "set straight"

The following was suppose to contain a editorial by a good friend of Brocket99.net, Mr. Charles Kang. The story was taken from an interview he conducted with a Brocket resident we're calling "Never Laughs" about the Fire Lynol message. After almost a month of mulling this story over I cannot let the story run as is.

"Never Laughs" was suppose to be an insider for us who would take photos and give accounts of the "real" Brocket, Alberta. I assume that these favors were in return for printing the "truth" about the fire Lynol sign. I hope that "Never Laughs" understands that we cannot run the column given the personal accusations that can't be confirmed. We do however, extend an open invitation for "Never Laughs" or any resident of Brocket to contact us about interesting events or folklore of the great Pegian reserve. We also thank Charles Kang for his support of Brocket99.net and hope to work with him often in the future.

We understand that Don Burnstick didn't like his name or quote being used on this site and that he won't talk with us further. We also understand that many other Natives will not speak with a certain person due to our web site. I just want to remind Mr. Burnstick that he asked to be quoted. I still have your email with that request. If you would like all references to you removed from this web site all you have to do is ask. I'm still amazed that after more than a year, "some" Natives continue to feel threatened by this web site. Everyone has a right to speak out here. What I will not allow is slander and racial bashing. And that goes for Whites and Natives alike.

BROCKET 99 IS TIMELESS. WE DON'T NEED NO STINKIN CALENDAR... WE NEED THE RED ROOSTER

The truth is the calendar was too much a pain in the ass to keep going. It was a good idea that needed more attention than could be devoted to it. Maybe we'll bring it back next year.

Meanwhile the death of the calendar means the ressurection of the Red Rooster. Check it out for bargains galore! It's totally redecorated too!

So someone named "Bertha" (yeah I believe that name) wanted to let us know how we're 25% content and 75% upsell. I'd say it's the other way around but everyone's entitled to their opinion. I like to sell things. It's cool to make some change for my broken car and my rent and other bills. If you think I'm some big money man, you need to walk in my moccasins. In fact I haven't bought a new pair of shoes in over a year. But I gotta a shitload of bumper stickers to keep me warm in winter.

I have to bite when people wag this meat in front of me. I'm a sucker for temptation. Just so you know Berty; I work hard on my favorite parody. So much so that the man who recorded Brocket 99 contacted me. And we are now friends. Ernie Scar believes that the site is art. I'll take the opinion of the creator of a genius parody before someone who won't even give a return email address.

I have created over 30 logos for this site and the gear that's sold. After all is said and done the profit would make any sane person just give up and say this is not worth it. But I think it is worth it. I have a passion for this site and this parody. I fuckin' love it profit or no.

Didn't really mean to call you a bitch Berty but no one ever said I think before I write. This is a parody. It's about theatre. Care to make it more personal? Care to do this thing Lethbridge Style? I don't.

People really seem to love Lenard. We all wanted you to know that Lenard appreciates your praise and comments. Keep those letters coming and please remember that "Ask Lenard" like Brocket 99 is just parody that uses stereotypes to create humour. Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock, Magaret Cho, Monty Python, Don Burnstick...

BROCKET 99 AT SUNDANCE FILM FESTIVAL! INTERROGATION, STANDING YOUR GROUND, AHRC COMMISH AND MORE

This just in! We received a very nice letter from Mike Dowse about the role of Brocket 99 in the movie FUBAR

I got your email through our website. I'm so glad you guys noticed our props to you guys. It was an honour to put a clip of it in the film. Brocket 99 was a huge inspiration to all involved in making the film. As a punk teenager all of my friends had the entire tape memorized. In fact even today when I call my old friends in Calgary, we immediately start quoting the tape. We just slip back into it like we were 19 again. What happened with the tape. I tried to look at the history on the website but got pushed to some weather network. Have you guys thought of doing another tape or anything with it.

We'll let you know about our interview with Mike as soon as something is set up.